moxie (mox·ie, ˈmäk-sē, noun)

The ability to face difficulty with spirit and courage. energy. initiative.

I need to find my moxie.

I feel like I’ve written this post 12 times in 12 different (or not so different) ways. So strap in, here we go again…

I was on the phone yesterday with my sister discussing how I still have no idea what I want to be studying up here at school. I’m the only one of the Taylor children with this issue. I cannot seem to make up my mind. ever. Our conversation went like this:

M: Heather, I want to help you find something you’re excited about.

H: Okay, good luck.

M: Imagine this. Pretend a degree doesn’t matter. You just married a Medical Student and you won’t have an income for the next 5-10 years. (Sounds strangely familiar?) What would you want to do to be making money during that time.

H: uh…. own a boutique?

M: That’s what you always say!

……that is what I always say.

I decided to go back to researching. I’ve been there so many times, scrolling down the list of hundreds of degrees (okay, maybe not hundreds, but a lot.) And nothing, seriously nothing looks that appealing to me. Which tells me–I’ve lost my moxie! My spice. It’s gone.

I want my spice back, you guys!  Any suggestions?

please & thank you.

In other news: I have once again weighed the option of transfering to BYU-Idaho. Did you know you can go for a whole year for the cost of one semester at Utah State? Sad. I don’t want to leave Logan. It’s home. But, that would save a lot of money! And they have a Floral Design program! (It sounds kind of lame, but I think I would really love that!) That’s all.

ah, shoot.

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Tender Mercies.

There is beauty all around.

You know, it’s been an interesting few weeks around here. I’ve hit the bottom. I’ve hit the top. But there is one thing I cannot deny. And that is that my Heavenly Father loves me. I’ve spent my whole life trying to figure out how He speaks to me personally. It’s a constant struggle because he talks to each one of us separately…differently. I think my eyes have been opened. He speaks to me through tender mercies.

I was going to get married. 4 days ago. We called it off. A hard decision, naturally–especially when I would have been marrying a great guy. Really great. It’s hard to explain reasons why we ended up calling it off, even if I could I probably wouldn’t. Bottom line was that it wasn’t right–then. We were not ready. I was overwhelmed with having to cancel everything, return gifts, move out of the apartment we would have been sharing, the list goes on…and on.

But my Heavenly Father knew I needed Him. I needed him bad. It was pouring rain the day I was moving everything out of the apartment. I was frustrated. I felt alone. And then I walked outside. The sun had started to shine and the most amazing rainbow I had ever seen was stretched across the bright blue sky. The whole arch in perfect sight. It was breathtakingly beautiful. And I knew, He loved me.

I was sitting on my back porch at my new place this afternoon. It looks over the entire Cache Valley. The sun paints everything golden and the hammock floats in the breeze. I know, He loves me.

poor quality brought to you by my cell phone

I learned that He speaks to me through beauty & majesty. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Life goes on, and you are never alone.

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